During the summer, a double murder took place outside the base in Caracal. Two young (15-16) girls were allegedly abducted and murdered by a serial killer. The US personnel stationed here at Deveselu were implicated by the Russians in their media some 175+ times, accused of human trafficking and prostitution in an attempt to destroy our reputation in the region. This was a sad situation which didn't directly affect me personally, except reading the lies in Sputnik and other fake Russian media outlets. Ultimately, they found no bodies, the implicated 65 yo mechanic had no knowledge of what he was being accused of, and the overwhelming belief now by the Romanian police is the girls were actually kidnapped, sold, and sent to South America or Canada in a human trafficking ring. We'll probably never know.
This last Thursday though, things changed. After we finished our Thanksgiving meal, the CO received a call there was an automobile accident right outside the base on the road to Caracal. Our Security Officer was already enroute back to the base and stopped at the scene to see if; 1) an American was involved, and 2) to render assistance if needed. He was somewhat relieved to learn it wasn't one of our American sailors, civilians, or contractors but saddened to learn it was a Romanian colleague who worked in our Galley scullery. His name was Adrian Bocai and he was 24 years old.
We headed out, driving back on the only road leading to the base and destined to drive past the accident. We waited in queue until it was clear to proceed. Adrian had already been extracted from the mangled vehicle and was being transported to the hospital. The reports came in they were going for a CT scan so our hopes are high. They were soon dashed though when the news came he had passed. It was a sad night. This was a person who we would see every day as we passed through the food line. He had worked at the base for four years, since the very beginning. I knew the next day would be very hard for everyone, since this is a small community and everyone is related to everyone else in one way or another.
I was right, every eye was reddened from crying throughout the night and the atmosphere was very solemn. No one was 'the same' as the day before, for many they will never be the same again.
So today the CO, a coworker from NAVFAC (Gani), me, and our two translators left the base at 09:00 on a 30 degree overcast winter morning and drove about 33 km west to Celaru. We stopped first in Caracal to pick up the wreath the CO had ordered as a memento.
Before I go further into it recanting of my experience today, I’d like to first apologize to anyone who may read this and find anything I say offensive, irreverent, or disrespectful. This is not at all my intention. Anyone who reads my stories knows I have an inane curiosity about the world. Whenever I attend anything new to me, I tend to look at it from the outside and research it to find out where, when, and how it all started and then why. The following dissertation is my thoughts, feelings, beliefs, and ideas. It is in no way intended to offend anyone, be academic or disrespectful, nor is it the last word on anything. I welcome anyone to correct me on any mistakes I may have made in my interpretation of what I saw today.
It was a quiet 30 minute ride. Once we left the main highway, we turned onto country roads (some paved and some gravel, all with huge potholes). As we parked the car and walked toward the house, there was a constant parade of mourners with us, everyone was dressed in black. I have never attended a Romanian Orthodox funeral so I didn't know what to expect.
You could hear the trumpets blaring from two musician who were playing in front of the house. I'm not sure if it was actual music or simply sounding of the horns. Entering the driveway, we placed the wreath with the others brought by friends and loved ones. Here are a few example pictures of some of them:
These are examples of the wreaths you will see at funerare stores around town. Many people came to the house bearing these, what I thought were horseshoe-shaped “wreaths” or as they call them - “crown.” In America, where people send flowers to the family of the deceased, here they deliver crowns. They are made of evergreen branches with different types of flowers and all have a white banner. I learned they are more like a teardrop-shaped frame. Ours had a Romanian message on one side of the ribbon and "NSF DEVESELU" on the other. The "crowns" are later carried from the home to the church where they are piled near the body in the church. Afterwards, they place them on top of the grave once its been filled in. The Romanian burial traditions have been passed on for generations and many originated from the Romans. It was customary in the distant past for a family member to cut a tree down and position it in the front of the deceased's house. The tree must not be able to produce any flowers, hence an evergreen was the most widely used for such purposes. This tradition has been replaced by the fir crowns.
Walking up the driveway, I saw the grief on everyone's face. It was heartbreaking. I have been to many funerals in the States but for some reason, this was by far much sadder for me. We held hands with the grieving mother as she sobbed uncontrollably, and they lead us into the house to view the body. One of my Romanian coworkers said his mother was saying "Open your eyes, see your family, your friends, your colleagues who have come to see you. Open your eyes." The tone of sadness in the delivery could make even the stone-hearted weep.
The first thing I saw, is the house was full of people. Almost everyone was dressed in black with only a few exceptions. They came in, each speaking a Romanian phrase. I searched for an answer and I read it is common for visitors to say “may God forgive him,” instead of hello, and then leave with the same phrase for goodbye.
The casket was in a room, covered in a clear sheet of plexiglass. Gani and I entered the room and woefully saw why his mother wept so. Here was a young man, his life extinguished in a fraction of a second because of his poor decision to speed recklessly. Romania has the highest numbers of motor vehicle deaths by speeding in the entire European Union. Today, tomorrow, next week, families are going through this same pain across the country. We left the room, noticing many details, traditions I had never learned. Here are a couple: the deceased is laid with his head to the east and his feet to the door, a sign he is ready for his last journey. A candle is fixed in his hands to light his way and to pass the evil's bridge. A coin is also put in his hand to pay for the boat, which will carry him to the other world. There are others I will speak to later.
The family escorted us out of the house, tying a bath towel onto each of our left arms just above the elbow. Everyone had one of the towels on their arm, in a wide assortment of colors; yellow, white, red, and mine - blue. What is the purpose of the towel? In America, some people wear black armbands, mostly from what I've seen in the law enforcement field. I personally have worn a black stripe over my police shield when a coworker was killed when I was in the Air Force Security Forces. They lead us now into a large tent on the side of the house, out of the elements, to spend time with other mourners.
While researching Romanian Orthodox funeral traditions, I found out the secret behind the towel. It was initially supposed to be a handkerchief, but for the crying. In the past, the handkerchiefs were typically only given to men and were referred to as “homages” which they were supposed to keep and take home after all services were complete. As time progressed, many Romanians, always the practical ones, thought handkerchiefs were too flimsy and old fashioned. A towel though was something the guests could take home and make real use of. So the tradition evolved from the family tying the bath towels around the arms of the pallbearers and also hanging them from crosses in the church to include all guests who attend the services. When we returned to our vehicle, we saw they also tied the towels to the driver's side mirrors of all the cars. We each left with our towels as a memento of our attendance at this solemn appointment.
Family members also hand out candles to mourners during the ceremony. There was a small sand-filled box on the ground outside the front door of the house where mourners would light slender candles and place them in the erect in the sand. There were hundreds in this small box, along with red glass votives with brass lids other would bring and set them next to the box. A lit candle represents a dying person’s faith in Christianity and the belief his spirit will be touched by light while he dies.
Standing in the tent were many of Adrians coworkers from the company who keeps our base operating. Among the masses, we were the only active duty or civilian employee "Americans" in attendance. There were some from the contractor company but the guests mainly his Romanian colleagues. There was nary a dry eye in the tent during the two hours we stood out there. People traversed in and out of the area. When the arrived, we greeted them and expressed our condolences. One of the gatherers told us, before we got there, a priest had come to the house and "married" Adrian. It appears their traditions do not allow an unmarried adult to go to the afterworld alone. The custom is preserved to dress the unmarried deceased young people in bridal clothes and to perform the funeral like a marriage. More research needed here.
During our stay, young people brought bottles of Coca-Cola (and water) and reverently placed them on the tables in the back of the tent. I could see it was somebodies job to make sure they were always restocked. I'm told being able to have something imported, especially from America, was a huge honor to many families. Thirty years have passed since the revolution and repulsion of Communism, but things like Coke and oranges are still a matter of pride for most Romanians who had spent the previous 40+ years in complete isolation from anything non-Romanian. One young lady brought plates of baked goods and pretzels out to the tables, stopping briefly to offer them to the three Americans. We took one each and she placed the rest on the table. It was interesting. A "DJ" setup a disc player, mixer, and speakers. Soon there was music loudly playing (it seemed like one song played on a continuous loops). We could see people walking into the house, most carrying bags filled with food and drinks, only to exit soon with empty bags. Food and drink plays a big part in Romanian funeral traditions.
After several hours, our translator told us it was time to go. The priest was on his way so they could transport the casket to the church. That time was reserved for family and close friends. It was our cue to leave. We wound our way through the crowd and headed back to our vehicle. Parades of mourners were still making their way to the house. It was an experience I will never forget and I have the towel to remember it by. The ride home was even more silent, no one spoke a word for the 30 minutes back to the base. It was a time of reflection and grief for all of us.
All in all, the Romanian funeral is very different from any funeral I’ve ever been to, but then I’ve only ever been to American funerals which are much more - reserved. Perhaps they really aren’t too different from other types of funerals in other cultures. For me, the sight of the actual dead body is somewhat discomforting. Yet seeing people able to say good-bye one last time was very touching and I felt tears in my eyes when I heard his mothers grief stricken cries.
I am glad I went, as a way of showing support for Adrians grieving family and because it was culturally very interesting. I have five children, three of whom are about the same age. Experiencing the devastation it causes a family, I will never forget. I don't want to ever be in the shoes of this poor woman.
This is a rundown of some of the Romanian funeral 'traditions' I have found. There are many more but I need to confer with people because they seem like these are more individualistic than wide-spread.
Evanesence - My Immortal
Evanesence - My Immortal
Thank you Marvin for the link
===================================================
- Romanian funeral traditions demand they say “the dead”. In America, we are so caught up in political correctness, it even goes to the funeral rites where we don't want to use THAT word. One of the best aspects of Romanians I truly love is they have NO filter. ZERO ZILCH NADA. They say exactly what they think and mean what they say.
- It is compulsory to keep a candle on for the deceased. This is meant to guide the soul in their afterlife journey. Romanian people have a special day on the 21st of November when prayers are dedicated to those who did not have a candle next to their body when they died. This also applies to those who committed suicide or died far away from their loved ones. The belief is the light will guide their souls to find their peace in the afterlife. I don't remember seeing this on the 21st but maybe I just didn't know what to look for - this year.
- One of the traditions dictates that you are allowed to go to a dead person and have a conversation with them. Since they are about to go onto the "other side", you can ask them to pass on messages to other dead relatives or friends.
- To prepare for the final journey, loved ones open doors and cover water pails to allow the spirit and death to escape (but prevent the spirit from falling in and drowning). Once the bathing of the body (also tradition) is complete, loved ones leave water at the feet of the dead so the soul can have a chance to bathe. Strands of hair are collected so they can be secretly placed on the door, since luck’s origin is never certain.
- You must cover all of the mirrors in the house with black cloth! Otherwise, the spirit might get lost inside the mirrors and haunt the family. For the same reason, there can be no locked doors in the house which might block their passage.
- The hens and other animals should be taken away, not to cross the way of the deceased, or he will either become a ghost or his soul may enter in one of the animals. I didn't see any animals at the house, not even the stray dogs.
- If the family of the dead run out of tears, they can hire what is called a "bocitoare" which translates to a mourner. This woman would go around crying and mourning the dead.
- It is believed if it rains during a funeral, it means the deceased is sad and didn’t want to die.
- The body is the first “person” to enter the church, followed by the mourners.
- The body is placed in the center of the church.
- When all have paid their respects and said good-bye, the body is carried out on a wooded bier. It is preceded by people carrying the “crowns” and is followed by the priest and the immediate family.
- After the service at the cemetery, the body is taken to the grave site and the coffin is released into the grave. The priest drizzles the coffin with wine and oil then reads a special prayer. Red wine is poured on it, as well as wheat grains and coins. After this, all the participants of the ceremony must take a handful of earth and throw it on the coffin, thereby forgiving all the errors committed by the deceased against them.
- The grave is then immediately filled in. As mourners depart, a table with wine and some traditional funeral foods is ready.
- Before leaving the cemetery, the participants wash their hands in the procession and go home by some other way. After the burial the relatives of the deceased invite those who were present to dinner, named Praznik. Everyone goes back home where the relatives of the deceased prepared a special funeral dish called "coliva". It's a sweet meal made of pearl barley and it contains sugar and nuts, and usually decorated with a cross. “Coliva,” is a decorated dish of boiled wheat grains found in some parts of the country and represents the sins of the dead. It is a traditional Eastern Orthodox Christian dish. If you’ve never before heard of the Romanian funeral cake “coliva”, do yourself a favor and look up some images of it online.
This Romanian funeral cake gets molded in the shape of a birthday cake. Then the cook covers it in powdered sugar and decorates it with crosses made out of candy. They often stencil phrases like “forever remembered” in cocoa on top.
- Relatives prepare the symbolic food, or, “alms” like the sweet bread “kolachei.”
The freshly-made kolachei is used in the making of the very important “pomul”, which is a decorated branch of a fruit-bearing tree, which is filled with either dried or fresh fruits in addition to the kolachei. The pomul symbolizes four things: the tree of life, the passage from the current world to the next, the shadowing and enjoyment of spirits after the journey is complete and the paradise tree. This extensive preparation fortifies loved ones for the vigil and funeral processes to come.
No comments:
Post a Comment